Monday, June 12, 2017

The Ten Commandments of Rugby

The Ten Commandments of Rugby

by God Almighty

...with additional text by Wes "Brigham" Clark

I. Thou shalt have no other sport before rugby.

II. Thou shalt not make unto thyself any graven image of a soccer player, a player of badminton or likewise a player of ping pong. Thou art a rugby player and a man therewith. Speaketh not in tones of political correctness, but, rather, let thy voice be forthright. Let thy communication be "With you!" or "Ball, ball!" and speaketh not the lukewarm utterances of the players of other sports.

III. Thou shalt not take the name of thy coach in vain. Thou shalt obey him, and put his playing plan forth onto the pitch.

IV. Remember the rugby day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou drink, and do all thy drunkenness: But the rugby day is for thy club, and thou shalt not cause thy club to be mocked by thy drunkenness and stupor.

V. Honour thy practice sessions that thy days may be long upon the land which thy rugby club giveth thee.

VI. Thou shalt not hack or stomp. Behold, hacking is an abomination unto me, and maketh thy opponent's head like unto spoiled fruit. This is not meet in mine eyes.

VII. Thou shalt not commit rugby whoredom, for, behold, whoring is an abomination unto me. Thou shalt retain thy love for one rugby club only, and not be given unto rugby whoredom like unto those of Babylon.

VIII. Thou shalt not steal. If a pitcher of beer belongeth to thy neighbor, thou shalt not touch it.

IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy referee. When he asketh thee if thou hast sinned, thy answer shall be, "Yes, sir" and if no, "No, sir." Thou shalt not speak until him until he speaketh unto thee, and intemperate statements shalt thou not make unto him.

X. Thou shalt not covet thy scrumhalf's ball, but shall rather wait for him to passeth unto thee or another before playing it thyself. If thou art not the scrumhalf, thou shalt not act like unto him, for, behold, this is confusion.

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